Wednesday, January 2, 2008

Jokes.. Found on the Internet...

Got nothing to blog about right now... Just some jokes... Watch the video, you'll laugh for sure...

A Chinese man and a Jewish American man were sitting opposite each other in an otherwise empty train carriage. After half an hour the Jewish man suddenly got up and punched the Chinese guy full in the face then sat back down.

"What did you do that for?" asked the Chinese man. The Jewish guy replied. "That's for Pearl Harbour." The Chinese man explained that he was Chinese and not Japanese and the Jewish guy said."Chinese, Japanese, you are all the same to me, I'm sorry."

Ten minutes later the Chinese guy got up and kicked the Jewish guy hard on the shin. The Jewish guy said, "What did you do that for? I said sorry."

The Chinese guy replied. "That's for the Titanic." The Jewish guy replied. "That was sunk by an iceberg." The Chinese guy said, "Icebergs, Goldberg's you are all the same to me."

A verdict has been reached in the trial of Sadam Hussain. The judge passing sentence informed the prisoner, we have both good and bad news. Sadam said, “well I’ll take the bad news first.”

“Ok” replied the judge

“You have been sentenced to death by shooting squad..”

“What on earth then is the good news?” was Sadam’s reply

“Well those taking the shots will be Lampard, Gerrard and Carragher..”

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson were on a camping trip. On the first night they were lying in their camp beds and looking up. Holmes said, "Look at the stars Watson, imagine the vastness of space and the millions of stars that we can see. What does that mean to you?"

Watson replied, " Well it shows the insignificance of man and the power of the almighty who created such a wondrous universe."

"No Watson" Holmes retorts,"It means our bloody tent has been stolen!"

A hurricane came unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost. A man found himself swept up on the shore of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts.
Used to 5-star hotels, this young executive had no idea what to do, so for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice and longed for his old life and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship.

One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen. She rowed up to him and in disbelief, he asked her:
"Where did you come from? How did you get here?"
"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said. "I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he said. "I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many are there? You were lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

"Only me here, "she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up; nothing did."
He was confused. "Then how did you get the rowboat?"
"Oh, simple, " replied the woman. "I made the rowboat out of materials that I found on the island. The oars were whittled from Gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm branches and the sides and stern came from a Eucalyptus tree."
"B-B-But that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware. How did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. "On the other side of the island there is a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock exposed. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into forgable ductile iron. I used that for tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that," she said. "Where do you live?"

Sheepishly and rather embarrassed, he confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time.

"Well, let's row over to my place, then," she said. After a few minutes of rowing she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked to the shore he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white. While the woman tied the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walked into the house, she said casually,

"It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please; would you like a drink?"
"No, no thank you," he said, still dazed. "I can't take any more coconut juice."
"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have a still. How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his amazement, the man accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk.
After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced,
"I'm going to slip into something comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."
No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge were fastened onto it's end inside a swivel mechanism. "This woman is amazing," he mused. "What next?"

When he returned, she greeted him wearing nothing but vine leaves - strategically positioned - and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.
"Tell me, " she began, suggestively, sliding closer to him, "we've been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing for all these months. You know..." She stared into his eyes.
He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"You mean--?" he replied...... "You mean huh.....I can check my e-mail from here?"

Jokes.. Don't you just love them? Hehehe...

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